Why is it so difficult for me to take the first steps?!
To just start something that’s on my heart?
It’s my heart, and I want to protect it.
I don’t want to step out on to a busy highway and end up as road kill. So I stay on the sidelines, paralyzed by fear and doubt, looking up years later and I’m standing in the same place.
Well today, I’m just going to start. I’m not even sure if it will lead me to any dream, but I’m starting to share about the incredibly beautiful journey God has me on.
Eleven years ago this month, I was preparing for an around the world journey, leaving everything I knew behind. I sold my home, packed up all my belongings, and told all my clients I didn’t know when I’d be back.
Before I left, I had an exhibit of my photography to raise money for the mission and to share about my upcoming adventure.
In the pursuit of deciding on a name for the exhibit I heard a song that really hit home.
Cloud my vision with this confidence you’ve given me
I don’t want to depend on these hazel eyes
Lord, I know you can see much farther
And if you hold my hand maybe I can walk with you
“Empty Well”, Shelly Moore Band
At the time, I was shooting a lot of my work with a very shallow depth of field, meaning everything in the foreground is in focus and the background is blurred. Without even putting the two together, the name seemed God breathed!
From that came the invite for Clouded Vision:
“I know photography is my gift from God, and I am ready to use that gift to influence change throughout the world. Traveling to Hawaii, India and Nepal, my images will raise awareness, prayer and finances for people, places and issues that I have seen.
Through my eyes, the future is covered with a cloud of mystery, but God sees my future clearly.”
My goal was to show God’s gift.
I never thought my work was good enough to have an exhibit.
It is God’s, not mine. How dare I think it not adequate!
So my current goal for writing is to share about that journey God took me on.
What was supposed to be about 5-6 months in length, traveling to Hawaii, India and Nepal, turned into 2 years, traveling to over 20 countries!
How’s that for expanding my vision?!
During those years, Instagram did not exist.
I know, it’s hard for some of you to grasp that concept, but it’s true.
I have shared many of the stories in different ways, but never through this platform. Here’s the part that scares me. These stories are my heart. They are God’s heart. I have to remind myself of that, just like with the exhibit in 2007. I haven’t liked many aspects of social media, What it has become and the negative affects it has on people, and this is why I think I have felt these stories, my heart, are too sacred for this space. But I’m letting that go, and I’m going to start.
Another song that was a big part of the move in 2007 was “Let Go” by Barlow Girl.
When I would listen to it, I envisioned myself in a an extreme sports mountain jumping video!
So I’m pressing play again, taking a leap. I will conquer what I’m afraid of.
The song I mentioned earlier, “Empty Well”…….
As I’ve been writing today, I read through the whole song again for the first time in years.
These last few lines may not have played a big part in the beginning, but they do now……
Letting my hand keep my pen from writing
The words I know you have given me to share
I fear that I won’t say it clearly enough
But don’t you let me lay this pen down
Or shut my mouth, no don’t let me shut my mouth
“Empty Well”, Shelly Moore Band
Life of Carmen 